It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
