wrigley field is MILF paradise
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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