I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if i can run in heels then i can drive
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
