I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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