they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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