I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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