i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
