Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
