You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i will never coherently bang her
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
