I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
