this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
