so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
