what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
