shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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