I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
