Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
