If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Damn victory sex feels great
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
