Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
