I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
