woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
