Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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