i think my tv is drunk
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
