You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
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