White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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