the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We need a shit load of segways right now
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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