Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
