It's like God shit irony all over that family
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
