is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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