at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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