I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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