he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
