when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
