i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
