Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
