I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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