I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
