We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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