you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
