We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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