you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
