why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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