Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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