And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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