elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
