Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
