everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
True strength comes from lack of pants
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
