Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
