Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
