just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
