I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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