You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
