I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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