Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
